The pain this morning, that fills my head

Dear America,

2005-10-16T20:43:29Z

Go to:
www.google.com

And then type in the word: failure [and hit enter]

It's too ironic to be irony. But too beautiful for words.

Dear America,

2005-09-20T05:52:35Z

I know that everyone loves it when I talk about politics. But I saw another bumper sticker. So here I go:

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that read: "At least I can still smoke in my car." And I would just like to thank our State Government for making her upset, and in the process making myself quite happy, even if it is just with that one issue. I am so thankful that people can't smoke in restaurants anymore. Even if I sat in the nonsmoking section, I used to be able to smell smoke. And Cigarrettes are one of the most offensive odors ever. Beating out jockstraps, buttholes, and patchouli oil. [in no particular order.] Oh, how I love eating and not having to smell that garbage. And since they serve food, House of Blues allows no smoking in their venue. I mean now they're just spoiling me!

On the topic of another bumper sticker. My friend saw a bumper sticker that had an official marine corps. emblem and read:

"United States Marine Corps.
Travel Agents to Allah"

And I said: "Wow! How very HEARTLESS! How very RACIST!"
But then I thought no, that's not the way I oughtta think. The terrorists would want me to think that.
So I tell ya, I turned that frown upside-down and said: "Wow! How very PATRIOTIC! How very.......AMERICAN!"

Just like the good 'ol G. Dubya Bush lovin', ass licker they'd want me to be!

Dear America,

2005-09-15T07:43:06Z

So does anyone else find it quite disturbing, how often they show that preview for The Exorcism of Emily Rose? They show it all the time, and on any random channel. They show it in the middle of the day and they remind everyone that it is "Based on a true story." Which honestly means little.

When I was young I was so afraid of things associated with the supernatural that I got obsessed and began to study it constantly. I, in one of my random books on the subject stumbled upon the original story of what supposedly "Really Happened" during the original excorcism and it bared little resemblence to the movie, which was also "Based on a true story." The story was much less intense. Almost everything was a complete fabrication. However I would imagine that the nightmares that kids are getting are quite real. I equate these sorts of things to common cruelty. I don't think the advertisements should be played during the day. And I think they should tone it down, and save the actually scary stuff for the people who come out to the theaters and willingly commit to the feature. I equate these previews to those 'Scared into religion' Hellhouses that were popularized in the 90's. I hate to be a humbugger but I think that these commercials are just offensive in general and if I were a little kid these days I know I would be losing sleep over it and it's not fair.

Sorry about that, but it's just been on my mind.

In case you missed Kanye West's comments on the how Bush is handling the situation in Louisiana, I'll post the link. He could have worded it better but the message is there. Even though he goes a bit overboard during parts. This is quite obviously due to the fact that he is using all of his will power to keep his emotions under control. Here it is:

http://negritu.de/2005/09/03/video-of-kanye-wests-criticism-of-president-bush/

Much Love,
just !an

Dear America,

2005-08-27T07:13:17Z

A little over a week from now and we'll be recording. I'm scared.

Due to a redneck's bumper sticker that I was trying to make fun of, I now cannot stop thinking about how much I want a bumper sticker that says:

"Horn works, watch for Sphincter!" and maybe a smiley face or something.

That's all I got. Hope you are all well out there in internetland.

Much love to all.

Dear America,

2005-08-19T18:09:15Z

Tonight at 9 bitches! Be there.

Dear America,

2005-08-16T06:45:47Z

A Gentlemen Army [my new band] is playing a FREE SHOW! This Friday at Bradenton Baptist Church. Our good friends in Problem Thomas asked us to play this show a long time ago, and we agreed whole heartedly. Then they broke up, we played our "last show" until after we get done recording. Then, to our surprise, they get back together for one show only. The show they booked with us, of course. And we couldn't say no. And whats more is, we didn't want too! They're our good friends. So we talked it over, and the rest is history. Max, if I don't see you there, I'm going crazy.

And, I heard Aubs is in town.

See ya there, Bitches!

Dear America,

2005-08-09T05:29:22Z

Hmmmm. Well, the inspiration to write tonight does not come from an inner longing to express myself. It does not come from that deep feeling inside that twinges because of my obligation to provide my wonderful readers with fresh material.

Oh, shit, yeah, it is. I look at my info page because the computer was messin' up, and I had to go there, and anyway I noticed that I lost a loyal subscriber. It made me wish that this thing had a way of finding out who it was for further inquiry as to their complaint with my posts [or lack thereof]. Hmmmmph. Oh, well.

Practice tonight= Ryan went to Dream Theater/Megadeth. Dawn was in the hospital all day with what is most likely appendicitis [Justin at her side]. So Tubbee, Kenneth, and I lay on the couches at our hot-ass warehouse and drank beers. We talked about how we couldn't get anything done on our own. Really cold beer, in a hot warehouse made me feel good for some reason. It was almost like a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon. It was really hot and I looked around at all the random stuff that the other warehouse renters leave around. I used my imagination to keep myself occupied. And as usual I made insane observations[not about the stuff per-say] to which Tubbee made his realistic and Hobbesish retorts. We're good like that. I never thought of it that way, but it's been that way since as long as I can remember.

P.S. For some reason I saw mood and immediately thought "Intangible". Then I thought, "I'm not sure I understand fully what that word might imply."[I don't know what that means] [fully anyway] So I looked it up, and surprisingly I actually do feel intangible.

Or at least my moderate understanding of the word would lead me to believe so.

Dear America,

2005-07-28T05:08:13Z

To Whom it may concern:

You are a Rage Zombie. Infected monkeys attacked
some PETA zealots, and 28 days later, you're a
mindless raging living zombie. You never died,
but in the 20 seconds between your infection
and zombification, you wish you had. You can be
killed with surprising ease.

What kind of Zombie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dear America,

2005-07-28T05:07:15Z

I never post. One of thereasons for this is because I got my internet taken out. Then I moved. So now I don't really get online much. I apologize and hope to remedy this.

Some things about me:

I have been looking for a job [but not hard].
I have been reading the new harry potter [please no spoilers, as I am not yet finished.]
I have removed myself from almost everyone, almost all the time, except for my girlfriend, my new roommate, my band, farewell Verona [our brother band] and a handful of their friends.
I have been pretty much obsessed with zombies lately, and the undead in general.
I have been focusing on the business side of the band and where we're going to take things.

I don't normally post, and I don't ask people to go to our shows, really. I usually just let people know that they're going on. We're having the last Stazny show on Friday at SOUTHGATE COMMUNITY CENTER [or at least that is what I am told the location is called]. I know that all of my close friends will be there.

Then I go back into the woodwork to work on my new band that I have already been at hard at[too many *works* in one sentence] and hopefully that will come together, but it will be a bit of time before we play out as we have all decided to take it as seriously as possible, and not play out until we have many things accomplished.

The show will also feature one of our favorite bands to play with, as we purposely selected them to be the ones that we play with [as Stazny] for our final time. Our Merch will be on clearance, so everything is half price or better.

I would really like it if everyone showed up, not because of money, [I don't think we make much if any more than we would if nobody showed up] but just to see faces there to support us as we try to pursue music, hopefully as a career. Afterwards I would like to take all the eligible people out and have a drink [that might be a bit of cheery imagination though, but we'll see.]

I'm not promising the best show ever. [Especially since I don't play bass in the new band and I haven't been practicing with it] But we'll get up there and play our hearts out if you'll smile and show your love.

It would mean a lot to us. I know I can count on Max, and a handful of others. But if you know me, please show up and have a good time.

Good ol' Punk Rock. Good ol' push mosh. Fists in the air. No hate.

Thanks again. Please show the love on comments and let me know if you can go. As I get back to watching my new "Day of the Dead" DVD.

P.S. "Organize, Before They Rise!!!!!"

Dear America,

2005-05-27T16:17:14Z

Stazny is playing tonight at Faith United Methodist.

I get it, why does a completely secular band keep playing churches? Because we Fucking feel like it!

75th st NW behind the post office. North side of Manatee ave. Really easy to find with those directions. Go, and I update more later.

Dear America,

2005-05-02T17:36:50Z

Aubs [absent]
Em [absent]
Mle [absent]
Max [absent]
Beasley [present]
Bizz [present]
Kenneth [absent]
Ricky [absent]
Scon [both] [little Scon was present. Big Scon was absent]
Torres [both] [both were absent]
Amber [present]
Karl [absent]
Kailey [present]
My dear friends from Eversfield [all absent]

The show at Olympia was really fun, even though in the hours leading up to the show, I suddenly got crippling stage fright. After the first song I sort of snapped out of it, and everyone just had a really good time. The band that played ahead of us were really good, and apparently had been touring for a while and told us that their record company or booking agent or something [Justin talked to them] would be really interested in us. Anyway, We're playing the EXACT SAME SHOW on Friday the thirteenth which is a week from Friday. You should all go, it's free. And this might help to make me feel a little better for all of those people with Absent written next to their names.

And to whom it may concern: Thanks for choosing me, and my band over an asshole Native American MURDERER! He slaughtered for Gold and took slaves and tortured thousands upon thousands of Native Americans during his campaign through the Southern, and the Central-Eastern United States. And if you didn't come to our show, thanks at least for skipping such a bogus celebration.

I'm just looking forward to May 21st, which is the anniversary of DeSoto's death. Now that, I'll celebrate!

Come on Friday the 13th!

Dear America,

2005-04-27T04:09:34Z

So I'm telling everybody. I'm telling them again and again. Please come to the show. Please contact me before the show and get tickets so that I can get money. Money, money, money That's all I'm in it for right? Seriously, who knew being in a band was so expensive? Oy. This show is going to be so much fun. I want to look out and see the coolest push mosh ever. And the only thing that should be missing is the big sweaty fat guy with no shirt on, only kids having a great time.

I'll update more, later.

Dear America,

2005-04-20T07:10:34Z

Hey folks, I FINALLY got a Screen name up and running at my new residence.
it is: "kindofscriptures" so add it, bitches!

NOt much else to report except that you need to tell me to hold a ticket for you on this, and I will make sure you get one, but we make money by selling these tickets, so don't buy them from other people. Purchasing a ticket from me puts money directly into the recording fund. And the new buttons we got a few weeks ago are going to be a buck, unless you just really want one and are buckless. Otherwise, a simple smile or something will suffice. That's the best part though, we get to be the judges. The show at the Olympia is going to be freakin' sweet! Please plan on coming, and then tell your friends that it's going to be good times. I would really appreciate it if a lot of people came.

Thanks for listening folks, and thank you for all that you do for me [even if it's as simple as kindness] and all that you do for my band [as it is an artistic extension of me].

Dear America,

2005-04-19T06:44:21Z

My Chemical Romance
Can lick my
Balls!!!!!!!!

The USF SUNDOME
can lick my
Balls!!!!!!!!

The eleven year old girls
with their Avril lavigne ties at a "Punk Rock" show can lick my
BALLS!!!!!!!!

The last one isn't a fabrication!

    I cannot believe the freaking show tonight. After dealing with the traffic to get into the show, and the cops directing people around and such, we got to the huge line at the door and had to wait as everyone ahead us, and then us of course got searched and had the metal detectors run over and the whatnot, we finally get into the place at 7:30. [doors were at 7] and My Chemical Romance was already done. Finished. They played when the doors opened and played less than thirty minutes. I'm going to assume that this was so they could go around and do whatever they wanted after their set. So to the guys from My Chemical Romance: Don't let me interrupt your night. I only paid $45 and then waited for like a month and a half for them to come, and they played before hardly anyone was even in there. Then we waited for about an hour before Green Day went on. So it wasn't as if MCR couldn't have waited a bit to go on, or perhaps have played a longer set. I would have been in there if it weren't for a lot of stupid things. Fuck My Chemical Romance, I mean they have great music, and I really enjoy it, but this is not the first time that they have failed me.

    And all these little girls and dude-bras, and $25 T-shirts and $50 dollar hoodies. I looked around from my shitty seats, and noticed nothing but little girls with their dads, and guys who look like they want to be Kanye West with their collars up and everything. Green Day never said anything even remotely political, they sugar coated everything they did say and all these old people thought they were great. Teeny boppers and little Kanye's, I have to deal with enough of those in Bradenton that I would drive an hour to see what their crop of idiots and assholes look like! I know the little wannabe Kanye's and it takes most of what I've got to tolerate them. One of them was blazing in my head as I stared at this one near us with his collar turned up, the only person on here who may know who I am referencing is Tro-seph.

    Then Green Day covered an Operation Ivy song and everyone was puzzled and nobody knew the words except for me and Justin. Green Day played really well, and the show itself was cool for the most part. I was just so let down. I have payed to see MCR twice now, and neither time have they come through. [neither time has it been cheap either]. Unbelievable.

On the 30th of this month Stazny [my band] is playing a show at Olympia theater. Hopefully the Muphin Chuckers will not be in attendance so as to not mess it up [Except maybe Dustin] that kid wasn't really mean or anything. I believe the line up will be:
NSS, Stazny, The In Crowd, and the Tri-Fives. It shall be a straight punk rock show, and I'm looking forward to it. Please contact me, as the only way my band is going to make any money before we go into the studio is by selling tickets to this thing and merch as well. So please show up and smile and have a good time. It would mean a lot to me.

The people who have been nice to me and therefore are somewhat obligated to be in attendance so as to not result in myself having a broken heart are: [in no particular order]

Aubs
Em
Max
Beasley
Bizz
Kenneth
Ricky
Scon [both]
Torres [both]
Amber
Karl
Kailey
My dear friends from Eversfield

I would also appreciate my dearest 'Sanne to be there, because she still hasn't seen us, and I miss her dearly

And many, many more.

Till next time kids; Take care of your body and your body will take care of you!

Dear America,

2005-04-14T07:35:06Z

So here's what I'm facin':

I have this livejournal, and plenty of things to say, and quite often to say them. But I cannot. And why you ask? Because I want to say things, and some of them are troubling, and some of them are pessimistic, and some of them are mellancollie, and some of them are full of doubt and loathe, and hatred, and angst, and many other things that come to mind, and the happy chirping bird posts just don't seem worth posting. but alas, I cannot, because I still have an obligation in my previous life [not reincarnation you 'TARD] that I will somewhat maintain my function because I used to assume a leadership role for kids in middle school. [they are now in high school]

I do not know who leaked to them my information as to this silly little system of spreading one's thoughts and viewpoints but must simply post my pessimism and skepticisms on friends journals [in the form of comments] who I know that they will not read. This also, unfortunately, makes it so that a few friends receive the blunt of my critiques, and I bash their views, perhaps, harsher than I should. Generally their views are deserving of ridicule, no matter how highly I think of them as individuals. [And I do tend to love them]

A great many things that used to seem so easy are very difficult for me these days. Except for some reason, writing. I write like the wind whenever I feel like it. Unfortunately for you, I rarely feel like sharing my thoughts with the general public. But my God am I ever feeling good about my short stories that I am writing. Until next time; Floss!

Dear America,

2005-04-01T09:19:47Z

So Stazny [my band] is playing an extremely short set, just for fun to help fill out the line up for tomorrow's show at "The Edge" or Palm Sola Bay Baptist Church if you will. We are also hoping to sell some T-shirts to help pay for the studio where we plan on recording in the next couple of weeks. You don't have to buy a shirt, it's a free show, just come and listen. If you're feelings indicate such, then tell us we suck, but at least listen.

Go down 75th st almost to cortez and the show is on the right. Pretty easy to find.

The short set we have prepared is really intense and awesome, I want people to come just o have fun.

My friend is gay! He came out, I met the dude, holy GAY GAY GAY!I support people's decisions. I support Human rights, and Homosexuals definitely fall under that category, but wow, really knocks you on your ass.

!

Dear America,

2005-03-23T06:21:16Z

So things are happening and some of them are good and some of them are bad.

I often feel like I am living in an episode of Arrested Development. My whole family is crazy and in completely different ways. So if you know anything about me, you've probably heard me tell ridiculously incredible stories about them, that you would be forced to be quite skeptical of. Then you meet one or more of them and realize how insane they all are. It wasn't always like that. We used to be less insane. I spent most of my day moving large aquarium habitats and such for my brother, and I came home stinking of dead fish and saltwater. My payment, one beer for helping out. I also missed a trip to Saint Augustine that I was quite looking forward too. And huge favors such as this are expected, otherwise I get cussed out, told I'm a horrible fat, stupid, and ugly person, and that I think of only myself. [I need no confirmations] but I do not think that any of these things are true. Except for the fat one, I am starting to get a belly because I haven't been working out since I hurt my ankle. But I'm hoping to change that soon.

Although my brother insisted on getting a pitbull, which is something that almost everyone fears, his dog really is a sweetheart. She looks very intimidating though. So when I say "I hate dogs" and everyone thinks that I'm a total heartless environment and animal hater, remember that it's not true. I only hate your dog, and the dogs that you like.

I have been kind of down in the dumps about some stuff lately. Unfortunately for me it hasn't been channeled into music much lately, but we still have a lot of writing before we catch up with the amount of lyrics that I have written. So I have been channeling it into short stories and my movie script. It has been quite fulfilling if I don't end up making such a horribly depressing book by the end.

My goal for my book of short stories is that it gets published and I make money on it. No matter how much. I just want to be a paid author. I want it to inspire people in the way that overly depressing things do. It is turning out quite morbid, who knows if that's your thing or not. I want many people to read it, for them to be inspired to write many things, to live their lives and appreciate things more, and for none of them to commit suicide or hurt anyone as a result of it.

The goal that I have for my movie is big. I want people to make a big fuss over it. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want some attention from it. But I honestly do it for more than that. I don't know how I'd make it right now if it weren't for my writing. Esp. the short stories.

The music that is in the works is quite fulfilling as well, I am fairly certain that my friends at least will enjoy it thoroughly. [hopefully others too]. Oh and I love punk rock music.

I hung out with some of the boys from eversfield the other night. They were honestly so great, the things they spoke of were, by no means complex, but they were just so humble about their approach to music that I am forced to love them. I would play with them in a heartbeat even though our musical stylings are very different indeed.

I am thinking about printing a bumper sticker idea I had recently. I may have to apply to make the slogan mine but:
"If God speaks through burning Bush's than why isn't our president on fire?"

And should I spell it Bushes or Bush's?

Dear America,

2005-02-18T08:04:48Z

"I think, I think it such a waste.
To kill a man for closet space."

"You're beautiful... Take your time."

"Can you kill a child, 'cause I just don't know if I can.
When the most romantic thing to do is to kill another man."

My Sister is getting married on Saturday. Lots of excitement.

Dear America,

2005-02-13T09:24:42Z

Talk about being rewarded for bad behavior. I got a free pitcher tonight because; last week, This bartender told me she'd hook me up with a bunch of free beer, if I would leave after I got into a fight at the bar. I thought she was just messing because although I didn't start the fight I certainly ended it by sticking some guy in the face with a beer mug. Because I left when she told me too, she gave me a free pitcher of my favorite beer [Newcastle].

Talk about positive feedback to the new music we've been writing, I couldn't have asked for anymore from the people we've shown it too. I can't wait to get into the studio and make it happen. I hope you guys like it as much as I do.

I also found out tonight that the PO-lice have gone a few times to the bars that I frequent looking for me, and asking for me by name. Let's hope that this doesn't mean what I think that it means. It has no connection to the mug incident. But on another occasion in which I got into trouble.

Until next time folks, know that I love you.

Dear America,

2005-02-12T09:02:01Z

So I saw a very republican friend of mine tonight. The one my friends refer to as "The Republican". She is a huge Bill O'Reilly fan, and I asked her to share her thoughts about the recent scandal associated with her idol, taking in mind the fact that his whole stance is on ethics and morals all while holding an adulterous relationship with a woman behind his wife's back.

She said that it wasn't true.

I reminded her that tapes were presented and he paid an exorbitent amount to settle the claim and that as part of the settlement he demanded that the tapes not be leaked to the press or to anyone else.

Her reply: "Those Democrats are at it again!"

My final thoughts; actually it was two republicans doing the nasty, and a guilty asshole who doesn't practice what he preaches. Although I really wanted to hear her explain how in the world she could pin this one on the democrats, she simply wouldn't comment any further.

At this point I realize that my room is very messy and it's all those damned Democrats fault. Those mother####**'s never show up to clean my room when I want them too. And next time I go to the Dentist and he says I have a cavity I'm going to tell him to give me the most costly procedure he has to fix it, and then to send the bill to those Damned Democrats. Those people are so busy huggin' trees that they never worry about the serious issues, like protecting poor, unsympathetic, and very antagonistic men from cheating on their spouses.

Dear America,

2005-02-11T08:42:39Z

One night. That's how long I stayed out of downtown. I'm an idiot.

I say all of these things and my kids still show the support of me. I love them, I absolutely love them.

I went to a bar and got something far better than booze, a dude that's a few years older than me, talking gear and all sorts of that fun stuff.

I should rephrase a sentence that I previously stated on this fun little drama box known as LJ. "Why do kids like hardcore music?" and should rearrange it too, "Why do kids only want to hear hardcore music around here, and seem to have no love for punk rock". Punk rock is my passion and I'm not growing out of it. If kids want to come to my shows I suggest they leave the egos, the hate of the different music styles, and preferably the cigarrettes [that's just a suggestion] at home. By all means support hardcore music and show up to send the love and whatnot for all my homeys and the bands you have come to know and love.

Except for Hawthorne Heights and Puddle of Mudd. There's just no excuse for liking those bands.

We're ordering more T-shirts so let me know if you're willing to buy them, as we are trying to get money so that we can afford to go into the studio. They make great presents for people who have never heard of us, and don't like punk rock.

Valentine's day is just around the corner and nothing says "I Love you" like a Stazny shirt. Shit, even your parents want them.

I love you guys.

Abrye took a shot in the butt.

Dear America,

2005-02-10T08:19:08Z

Well, I feel like I owe the people who keep me on their friends list an entry. And I am terrbily sorry for not coming on here very often. I'm really going to start a new account but I'm going to have to make it A: friends only and B: only people that I want reading it to know the name.

I used to want this to be my place to share my thoughts on the world. And also my place to share different stories/thoughts/happenings with freinds and lurks alike.

Unfortunately as a result of myself dropping out of being a peer to all and making myself a leader figure to some, and keeping up a persona that I was somewhat unflawed, I regret to inform you that the kids who used to see me as a role-model now read my journal that I had started with the intentions of sharing with my peers.

These kids are my friends, some of whom I count amongst my very good friends, but I still feel ashamed of sharing my true thoughts/concerns on this thing called livejournal. A long time ago I acquired a livejournal account [before they were free to the world] in case just such a thing ever occurred.

How am I supposed to say that I am struggling with this or that, and expect a kid I used to mentor to understand? They are dealing with problems of their own and they have come to expect [as they rightly should] that I have my act together. And it's that sort of honesty that could really hurt one of them. I very-much-so do not want that to be the situation at all. I honestly wish their was a way to make this thing like NC-17 where know one under 17 could read it. It's not to say that I don't love those kids or appreciate their input. I just have such high expectations and hopes for them that I dare not share my struggles with them, for fear that they might try to recreate my mistakes, as I recreated, and recreate still the mistakes of my mentors.

I almost get arrested pretty frequently now and I need to calm down, even though the details of all the recent events I cannot share. I apologize if one of my fair readers' mother spent the night in jail last night on my account. Or somebodies father came home a little sore. All I'm saying is I'm going to limit my activity downtown for the next stretch.

Why do kids like Hardcore music?

I'm going to move th whole operation in the near future to a new lj account, and the name will be told only to people I want reading it. In time the kids will come across it but it is not for them. Even though I love them more than anything.

My thoughts will be shared partially through that and the rest through the lyrics of my band.

I am very excited about the music I am writing right now. I feel that it is by far the best we have ever written.

I have also managed to lose my copy of "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge", can anyone help a brotha' out?

I love and miss the women of my life: KxTx, Alyssanne, Ayelen, and of course my dear Lauren.

9 more days.

Karl Gardner is an absolutely amazing guy, and the ladies should be tracking him down as we speak.

Dear America,

2005-01-14T07:36:57Z

I still don't have internet hooked up at the new house, so I have sneaked [found out snuck isn't a word] in to my step Dad's houseto let you know I'm doing ok.

I got a job.

I had to get all my belongings out of the house. So now my new house is a mess of my stuff all over the place. But my roommate is a very good and patient man, and he is being very good about the whole situation. I'm finding places for my stuff. Much of which will probably end up in the garbage.

My shoes smell horrible from working in the kitchen [new job]. They smell like old fried food.

I hate my job.

I have to go to an attorney tomorrow. My family is kind of pointing the finger at each other right now, and things are pretty hectic. I don't know how this will turn out.

My Job is terrible, here's why: I wash dishes like mad furious for five hours a night. I got hired as a delivery guy, but lack of business has forced me into dishwashing. I have, since I started delivering, delivered one thing a night. I have to clean everything and get filthy disgusting every single night. At a furious pace I still have to stay late, it's the job. I, as a driver am only getting paid 7 dollars an hour. But I am not really a driver, I am an effing dishwasher. So I watch kids, every single one several years younger than me, waiting tables and making good money [much better than I] as I slave away in the hot ass kitchen for next to nothing. It's degrading, and it's filthy, which would be kind of cool if when I got home I knew that I had made mad cash, but nay. So I, a high school graduate, who has gotten his Associate's Degree with a good GPA, am working side by side with high school kids/dropouts, all younger than me. They make the money and make snide remarks. I make shit and hate it. So here's the kicker. I am working tonight thinking things couldn't get worse, when my boss comes up to me and says that I have to park over by the street, and put a big sign on my car that says the name of the restaurant where I work, plugged into my car so it lights up. I said it would drain my battery, he says it won't. IT WILL. But whatever. Next he wants me to dress up in a chicken suit and dance on Manatee Ave.'s median to bring business into the store before they open so I could get more hours and business. Yeah, I told him that I am not going to do that.

Why would I stay you ask? Well my friend got me the job and put in a good word for me. I feel like I owe it to him to stay there and be appreciateve but it is so gay. I could be making ten to start on the island at any restaurant for the work I do. Plus kitchen work isn't my thing, unless it's cooking at home. I'm an intellectual guy. Anyone want to pay me to drink alcohol and hang out and read books and beat your dad's in religious/political debates? Nay?! Then alas, I must go back for more abuse.

I almost got into some shit last night. I hate bartenders. I told the bartender off last night.

Ok I don't hate all bartenders, 'cause some of them are straight shooters and will talk to you, and recognize you, and occasionally send you a free beer. But bartenders in this town have something up there ass. Save Shaun from the 'Roo, that guys always been cool to me.

I hope everything goes well with the attorney's in the morning. I've been stressin' a bit about it.

Come visit my new place.

Dear America,

2005-01-10T09:49:06Z

Wow, a lot has been going on for me. I moved out of my house and rented a place with my friend Matt DeSear. I have been enjoying living on my own even though it's so close to my old house. The internet is not hooked up yet so I don't get to check this thing much, but I snuck in tonight and here I am.

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. One of my friends has a serious heart condition and it's one of those-no way of knowing type of deals. 50 years or five minutes and they're as good a guess as the other. It pains me. It's ridiculous. He told me tonight that he feels like he has it to pay something back that he has done, but he doesn't know what, "...Maybe something in a past life."

A lot of my friends have problems, and all of their problems are worth my serious contemplation and evaluation. I frequent the bars.

One guy I talked to the other night was telling me of how big of a George W. Bush fan he is. I said it was unfortunate that he couldn't understand what was going on and that I felt sorry for him. He had a tattoo of Bob Marley on his leg, and I wondered what Marley would tell him if he were still alive. I bet he'd want to put his joint out on his face. [not really] But it's pretty ridiculous. I mean the love of God and money will set a person against true values and such. I feel really bad that the church as a whole has become so gullible. I think the masses of Republicans don't know what their voting on. Unfortunately this is the same for Democrats. Social issues shouldn't be issues having to do with politics at all, they're a form of infringement anyway. And I believe that most Republicans vote based upon them **tears**. Whatever.

I came into style.

I feel bad mentioning this in this sad and droning post but I will mention it for two reasons:
1. It has made me feel better.
2. I like to end on an upswing.

I was at this hardcore show the other night where I met some really great kids. They include John Caswell some others [one, later mentioned]. They were very nice for the brief time that I spent talking with them and have begun to change some of my opinions formed about the scene from Sarasota.

I talked to one of the kids that was in the Hardcore pit [dance area]. I sort of bumped into him and felt inclined to introduce myself even though I was sure ahead of time that we wouldn't have anything in common.

!an: Hi my name is !an.
Max: My name is Max. **shake hands**
Max: Don't I know you from somewhere? Saw you onstage somewhere?
!an: Mayb-
Max: [enthusiastically] YEAH! You're from that really good punk band!

*I was convinced that he only said we were really good because I was standing in front of him. I was also convinced that he, nor any of these other hardcore kids appreciated that fact that I am pasionate about punk rock. Seeing as how a great many of them have made fun of punk rock publicly.*

!an: You're just saying that. And you don't have too man.
Max: No I'm serious, I had a great time dancing to you guys. And those free shows are what it's all about.

I was stunned and flattered. It made my night.

I hope that doesn't make me sound like I have an ego, I was just very flattered by the whole thing. I work pretty hard to make my music what I hope others perceive it as, and it seems as though they rarely do. I usually have one or two a show that come up and tell me not only that they liked it but why. I hope someday that these compliments will also include how my music helped them with something in their lives. Ah, "...I sit and dream of better days..."

I also finally met my lj buddy filthy punker, whose journal I have been reading for some time. Turns out she is dating a kid I used to go to youth group with, a LONG time ago. She was very nice, and I honestly admire her for bringing up in kid in hectic times, with hectic lives that intersect our every path. It has got to be a hard and relatively thankless job. Seeing as how most people are very hard on young mothers. I'm certainly not saying that abortion is the answer but that it must be a lot easier, skipping the judgements and such. It is a testament to her bravery [I hope this all doesn't sound too cheesy] But it is something that I truly think. So next time you see a young mother don't think she is loose. Think about how brave and strong she is. I mean, I well up in people's faces all the time. I hang in bars and get into shit, and crazy things happen, and crazy words are said, and crazy shit goes down. One guy tonight was faking like he was going to punch my friend when he was walking into the bar and said he had to meet me because he said he saw me cock back, ready to punch him in the face. He wanted to meet me because I was going to stick up for my friend. And he's some big guy, quite a bit older than myself. I think he admired my efforts... Somehow I became synonymous with events such as this [drinking beer and getting into fights].

Compared to that girl, I have no balls.

Dear America,

2004-12-27T09:16:05Z

AHHHH, I am so frustrated sometimes. I honestly don't know how to explain to people what religion is or what it is supposed to be about. Do some people think that it is a contest? YOU WIN! But then, it's not enough for them that they win, they declare, "You weren't even trying!" and I say, "Yeah, so?" And then they get mad at me and say I'm not good enough.

What is with people, why do they think that people will ever be won over by persecution? Christians were fed to the lions for their beliefs. But now that they are in the majority many of them feel that they have the right to bully other people simply for the fact that they disagree, or faulter in beliefs even if the person is trying. Has logic changed completely or is this still a form of discrimination and persecution?

I quote The Decline: "... The Christians love their guns, the Church and NRA, they sell their salvation, Prey on the lower faiths. The Story books been read, and every lie believed. The curriculums been set, when logic is a threat and we've been searched and siezed!..."

And to be honest Fat Mike has every right to say those words, they make sense. I am so pained by a great many things of this nature.

I may lose the attention and or interest of some of my readers, but I fear it must be said:
"Friends don't let friends become Pentecostals."

Until next time my Dear Friends- I love you, PEACE.